Armed with this wisdom , I set off for the shops with husband's credit card and a renewed vigour for retail therapy. It always helps and even more so now that I've lost 2 stone in weight and can almost wear the sort of clothes that 'normal' people do. This means I don't have to get down on my knees and trawl through the bottom rack, to the very back of the rail where you find the size 20s lurking. Clearly they're an affront to humanity so they need to be buried out of sight and as the fatties such as myself obviously bring on their weight problems themselves, we should be made to suffer for our excesses and made to wear black shapeless sacks for eternity ... oh and struggle past the size 6s and 8s to find that XXXl garment we've always dreamed of wearing.
First stop Mint Velvet - skinny jeans ( well skinny in my book , obviously they'll still be regarded as obscenely large if they're any more than a size 12 ... which they were .... slightly ... OK a size 14 ) - check.
Cos - a new label for me although I'm not sure about their slightly androgynous look - however I wasn't going to let the sumptuous smoke grey silk top I bought stay on the shelf - check.
H&M - more affordable but still uber stylish ( we are talking about someone who's been disguised in drab mumsy lycra for the last 5 years after all ) - a silk and cashmere summer weight sweater with a deep V plus a lovely batik style
And whilst there I couldn't stop myself from hoovering up these lovely shimmering rose gold lovelies. A leather braided headband, a tassel thingy (Gawd knows where I'm going to hang it ... and no my nipples are too far south for such glamour ) , a cute pair of shell pink grosgrain bows , a bronze nail varnish, a rose gold sunglasses case and a shimmery set of smoky eye shadows and I still got change from a £20 note.
Oh yes, hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off with her layabout menfolk.