And whilst I'm at it, who for f***s sake invented predictive text or whatever the hell it's called on a computer. Did I want to write 'cretinous' instead of 'certain' in that last sentence ?
So, another weekend has been and gone. Eldest's 21st and it was all going swimmingly ( although how H would know , I wouldn't know, as he was pretty much absent throughout ) until that is I decided to hoover up some of the mess last night - the usual birthday detritus - confetti, discarded wrapping , birthday cake crumbs. As the men in our house wouldn't know where the hoover is kept, it's always up to me to clear up. The plug I unplugged to plug in the hoover is next to the plug for the router. Identical coloured plugs, leads etc. I managed to pull out the router plug which has rendered our entire internet connection redundant. In most households this would simply involve re-pluuging the router with the possible inconvenience of having to type in the password to re-connect. Not in our house. The thing is on its last legs and H decided to opt for the
Whilst everyone goes into meltdown at my stupidity and I quote here " Nobody would be that stupid as to unplug the wrong plug" clearly nobody as stupid except for cretinous me of course , I'm left apologising for getting on with the housework ( on a Sunday evening I might add whilst everyone else is vegging out ). By this time, I am now held responsible for the most heinous crime and my pathetic apologies are falling on deaf ears. I have clearly ruined everyone's lives from H, who now can't watch the remaining 29 hours of tennis that he's sat glued to all weekend, to youngest son who is attempting his homework at 9pm on a Sunday evening having promised me that he'd got it all done on Friday before going ice skating, to a party and out for lunch ... on both days of the weekend.
This tirade of abuse is brought on apparently because H is stressed ( must be all that sport , beer and telly ) and I am hell-bent on spoiling everything for everyone and did I have ANY IDEA as to what a total moron I'd been.
I retired to bed, comforted the cat who is sick and needs to be taken to the vets today ( that'll be my job then as no-one else can be arsed and I partly work from home which obviously doesn't count as a proper job despite the fact that I have to do it 7 days a week ).
This morning, I'll be filling the fridge with food, cooking dinner for anyone who bothers to turn up despite the fact that I'll be out teaching until 8.30 tonight whilst stressed out H attends another party, loading and unloading the dishwasher/ washing machine/ tumble drier, emptying the bins, clearing debris from the boys rooms and generally wondering why I allow myself to be treated like a doormat/mug... oh and squeezing in a trip to the vets in between my job which isn't really a proper job because I partly work from home.
I'm going to invent a new word now and type it boldly so that f***ing predictive text memorises it for life. My new word is DOORMUG. Now every time I attempt to type words like dormouse, doorman or dormant it will remind me of how utterly cretinous and stupid I really am.