Monday, 2 August 2010

Remind me not to use the word cute for at least a month

I'm in danger of retrograding into a teenager, or worse, a pseudo american with a penchant for twee tat ( try typing that when you're not sober ) . I've just realised that I've used the word 'cute' in the last 2 posts. Next thing you know I'll be calling everything cool ... or worse ... kewl . Mind you that's got to be better than 'sick' which is all I ever hear my children using to describe anything that's vaguely impressive. So what are they going to use when they really are sick or is there another word for that too ?

Week 3 or it could be 33 , I've lost all track of time, of the school holidays. And if we're talking semantics why is it called school holidays as  a) they're not at school, more's the pity and b) this is NOT my idea of a holiday.

Anyway, the piggy bank is empty, I'm fed up of thinking up nutritious lunchtime meals and the grass is as dead as a dodo. Every-thing's looking decidedly jaded and a little bit frayed around the edges which includes me. I've stopped wearing mascara and the washing pile is multiplying like that pile of mops and buckets in the Sorcerer's Apprentice. The boys have lost the use of their limbs - incapable of remembering to carry anything upstairs and unable to get up from the sofa and the fridge is running on empty. The list of 'interesting things to do during the school holidays' has remained untouched on the kitchen worktop and I'm counting the days until September. It's always been my favourite month and now I know why.

Today I took youngest son to a cycling proficiency course that's running for the week. I was exhilarated to think that these things still exist. They seemed to belong to a dim and distant world of school milk and Tufty the road safety squirrel , showing my age again. Actually, I'm quite impressed that I remembered the little rodent's name - must have left quite an impression.

I managed to find a helmet to wear as I accompanied son plus friend to the venue but failed to impress the road safety instructor as I was informed that I had it on back to front . This blew my cover and ruined my chances of winning the covetable prize of  Most Safety Conscious Mum as I'd clearly never worn one before or was too drunk to notice or both. Actually it was morning so I wasn't drunk unless the bottle of rose I'd seen off last night was still in my bloodstream.

I picked them up 2 hours later after a pint or two of coffee and was told that the first hour was really boring as they'd been sat down and made to listen to some safety rules which of course bored the pants off them as they obviously knew everything there was to know already. Oh the arrogance of youth. We then cycled home together whilst they pointed out my myriad cycling errors. Tomorrow I'm going to try and get my helmet on the right way round and brush up on my left hand turns which, according to my 10 year old, were 'pants' .


  1. oh Claire you really have made my laugh out loud such honesty

    and as for your helmet priceless xxxxxxxx

  2. You were merely being "original" with the helmet, rather than a slave to a) fashion or b) necessity. Them boys are clearly driving you to the brink at the moment - why not lock yourself in your scrap room with a half pound block of chocolate and ignore 'em for a bit??