Thank heavens ...

...  for girlfriends. Having spent the last 20 years stuffing stockings full of whoopee cushions, fake dog poo and mini plastic toilets full of glow-in-dark-slime ( not that all of these aren't hilarious ) , I finally get to buy gifts for my sons' girlfriends . Oh the joy of buying nail varnish sets, pretty purses to stuff with chocolate coins and sweet tubs of lip gloss ! Ahhh ... just packing up one for eldest son's girlfriend and youngest son is downstairs handing over his gifts to his new girlfriend , although he won't allow me to call her that !

So , this Christmas will be a little pink and frilly . Of course , my boys will still be getting the farting key rings and the rubber band guns - why change the habits of a lifetime ?

I also found these delightful books for my pupils - Penguin classics - a beautiful gift for anyone , beautifully produced and a delight in any stocking.

I also just have to show you a few photos I took at possibly the loveliest shops in the UK - Foxtail Lilly. Last weekend they held a Christmas Brocante Fair - which sadly I missed but I was able to take a few snaps just as the light was fading and the sun was setting over the Northamptonshire hills. The shop is filled with heavenly selections of flowers, all beautifully packaged and delightful vintage items, cards and gifts. You really could do all your Christmas shopping there . Go take a peek if you have a minute ... in fact make a minute !

Some things will never change ...

... leaving my Christmas cards ( those that I still send - dwindling in number ) until the last possible posting date

.... never buying enough wrapping paper but not discovering this until Christmas Eve

... and being wooed  by the ridiculous array of silly 'party food' from the supermarkets such as mini hot dogs ... what's the matter with a proper hot dog for goodness sake ?

There's something about the allure of the ad campaign that I fall victim to in a moment of weakness,  the media hype about having the 'perfect Christmas and the seige mentality that must come from some neanderthal past gene of thinking that the shops will never be open again and what if we all starve ?

Sadly, there's something else that will never change and that is the tragic loss of life that arises from a senseless act of terrorism in the days leading up to Christmas that rocks us to our core and leaves us speechless with horror and disgust that any human could inflict such violence on another.

To see those children, who survived, pack their schoolbags on the following day, as an act of defiance against the evil perpetrators, is nothing short of heroic.

It puts the choosing of chipolatas into stark perspective and makes me feel idiotically stupid to even consider that Christmas is a chore when mothers across the other side of the world are burying their children.

So, this Christmas, I will be praying for an end to terrorism and counting my blessings that I have my children safe in my arms. That is really all that matters.

We're having a LAN party apparently

No , I'd never heard of it either but then that's because I'm an old fogey. There are 6 teenage boys downstairs wired up to about 4 computers/ game console thingys ( just proving my old fogey status there ) and assorted screens , headphones and I don't know what . It looks like NASA space control and they appear to be having fun , all the more surprising because they've hardly had an hours sleep . There are 3 ( empty ) KFC buckets in the bin and I've been supplying a seemingly endless conveyor belt of carbs since yesterday afternoon. The bacon buttes went down a storm this morning as did the mile high pile of triple chocolate chip cookies that just came out of the overn . I think there may be move to order in a pizza . Needles to say the fruit bowl has remained untouched.

Yes , it's end of term and I'm never happier than when youngest sons invites his mates round on the last day of school . It's good to know where they are and that they're in good company . Lomg may it continue .

Oh ... and LAN stands for Local Area Network apparently - something else to do with video games I guess. Still, it beats the sort of party that goes viral on Facebook and ends up with a wrecked house, a garden full of vomit and various attempts to smuggle in vodka in hip flasks. Thankfully youngest doesn't seem interested in those ..... yet.

Get Happy ...

... with Gossamer Blue's Christmas Collection. Loving the vibrant colours ... take a peek at the Hey Little Magpie blog to see my post for December . If you've no time to spare  ( and let's face it - who does at this time ) then you'll like these speedy projects .

Black Friday

What the blazes is all this about ?

Thought I'd sit down and do a bit of quiet online shopping with a cup of coffee this morning , the first I've had off in I don't know how long and all hell's broken loose in cyberspace.

Yet another import from across the pond . Not enough that we now have to celebrate World Potato Day or buy Happy Second Cousin Twice Removed birthday cards or personalised M&Ms , now we're supposed to beat each other over the head for an outsized telly the size of a small horse ?

Don't we all have enough stuff to last a few lifetimes and beyond ? If I was a savvy retailer I'd skip the encouraging of histrionics and the mad mentality of queueing overnight for a steam mop or having to pre-warn the police that they may have a riot on their hands at dawn and just offer all shoppers who'd placed an order in the last week a 10% off discount any order placed online and be done with it.

And there are some retailers who've completely shot themselves in the foot . Apple for example are only offering deals to US shoppers. Nothing like feeling like you've been left out to encourage brand loyalty eh ?

So, despite the fact that we'd probably all secretly desire a wopchop telly that empties the  dishwasher and puts the bins out to boot , let's try and boycott the nonsense and save ourselves a trip to A & E as a consequence of having a microwave fall on our heads from a great height at the feeding frenzy that was Asda this morning. Are you listening retail giants ?

Work in Progress

I only wish I could say this was my husband painting the next room on our list to be decorated ... fat chance. He'll be watching the rugby in the other room with a beer in one hand and the sports section of the newspaper in the other.

I refer to this room as the black hole of Calcutta ( must go check out what that actually is , it's an expression I use quite a lot ) . It has no windows as it would have been the dining room but thanks to the kitchen tagged on to the back of the house, what were the French windows are now just doors onto the kitchen. It's been great for TV watching and playstation gaming but I find it disconcerting that you can barely see your hand when you stick it out in front of you . The boys have trodden a decade's worth of popcorn into the carpet , there are nasty unidentified stains hidden under a rug that's seen better days ... oh and a rogue fox that squeezed itself through our cat flap a few summers ago chewed its way through the purple ( yes purple what was I thinking) leather reclining sofa that no longer reclined. It all had to go and not before time.

So ... I have flooded the room with light adding an additional overhead track with 5 more LV spots, the usual assortment of flatpack furniture and a new sofa is on its way ( on the never never ) from DFS. The painters are downstairs now and the carpet will be fitted tomorrow. That's all my hard earned cash since the summer blown in the twinkling of an eye.

Cute little cast iron fireplace but it doesn't half get in the way and the chimney isn't working so it's ornamental only

I shall update you shortly. 

Hey Little Magpie - October Blog post

Come on over to the Hey Little Magpie blog for some Autumnal inspiration . Three new layouts using My Mind's Eye papers from the Jubilee Tangerine range.

Somebody stop me...

... I've just been online and ordered 2 boxes of Christmas crackers and a felt dove for the tree and it's only October.

It could have been worse , I nearly went for the life-sized polar bear.

Hey Little Magpie - September Blog post

Trust me to leave it until the last day of the month to upload photos of my layouts for the Hey Little Magpie blog post for September.

Products Used : Probably my all time favourite release - Crate Paper's Notes and Things - delicate , versatile and a gift to scrapbookers.

You almost wouldn't think they'd been made with papers from the same collection - that's how versatile they are. If you'd like more details then pop over to the Hey Little Magpie Blog - and please leave a comment - I'd really appreciate it .

The Blindingly Obvious

I've just listened to a broadcast on Radio 4 where Paddy O'Connell was interviewing Professor Sir Al Aynsley-Green , the first  Children's Commissioner for England .

They talked about the emotional upheaval of bereavement in losing a parent at a young age. During the conversation, which was endearingly frank and honest, Paddy talked about how they can't hear the telephone ring in their house without fearing the worst . 

I felt as if I'd been struck by a thunderbolt of enlightenment. Blindingly obvious I realise , in fact so much so that it made me feel quite stupid. This must explain why in all these years I've been unable to hear  phone ring without expecting news of a death or disaster. 

Both of my parents died suddenly , prematurely and unexpectedly. On both occasions I was notified by phone . Is it any wonder that I can't hear that ringtone without freezing with fear and all the more astonishing that I've reached the age of 56 without realising this ?

This must account for why I never phone people, never answer the phone at home without letting it go to answer phone first and carry a mobile which is almost permanently out of charge, much to everyone's annoyance who has ever wanted to get hold of me. 

Electronic mail has been my godsend. So, to everyone who has been infuriated by my lack of response by telephone, you now know why. You can always send me an email.

Transport for London

I'm planning on taking youngest son up to the Design Museum on Sunday and thought I'd be a good London citizen and use public transport. You can tell where this going can't you ?

If the Thames is supposed to be the arterial waterway Boris would have us believe ... and as we live next to the Thames ... and the Design Museum is also next to the Thames ... it seemed to make sense to travel by water bus.

If we set off at lunchtime, it would be closed by the time we got there ... nearly 5 hours later. Think it may be quicker to walk.

New Term ... New Stationery

It's always a joy to go to the supermarket ( in this case Tesco ) for groceries and end up with stationery in your trolley. All the more exhilarating because I got to whizz round in their mobility scooter which beats crutches any day. It felt a bit like Supermarket Sweep.  Here's what I swept into the basket on my scooter and all for around £20 . Fabulous bargains.

The vintage Box Brownie is actually a pencil sharpener and the Sharpies were only £2 for  a pack of five. I never know where all the Sharpies go in our house - I can never have too many.

I loved the colours of these notebooks with the doodled frames on the front . Those little penguins are also pencil sharpeners. My students will love those.

Local Staycation

As eldest teen was raving it up at Reading Rock Festival and Husband was accompanying his elderly father on their annual pilgrimage to the Swiss Alps , I decided to take myself and youngest teen off for a two night mini break. Being on crutches and unable to drive any distance, the location had to be nearby and so this was how I hit upon a local Hilton Hotel about 3 miles down the road in the grounds of the very lovely Syon Park House.

Once you've climbed out of the car and lugged your bags up to your room, the location doesn't actually matter and as it peed permanently with rain for the 48 hours we were there , thank goodness we didn't opt for the seaside or, in fact, anywhere further than the ten minute drive it took.

I wasn't sure what to expect when we arrived to find an impossibly long Hummer limo parked at the entrance, a Full Monty Indian wedding complete with Bangra drummers in full swing and a large sign reading ' Jehovas Witness Convention in Session' taking pride of place in Reception ... oh and Fulham Football team expected at any moment. You really couldn't make it up.

The rather churlish man at the Reception desk took great delight in telling us that they were exceptionally busy, as if to inject a slight note of doom into our expectations and that we'd have to wait for our bags to be taken up to our room ... there are some bonus points to being on crutches and portering is at least one of them.

We decided to have a light (but very expensive) bite in the bar area, bizarrely called the Peacock Lounge which was incongruously furnished with pale blue (nice) and lurid purple (not so nice but I guess this was the peacock bit) upholstery, peppered with neon Andy Warhol prints and a smattering of arty farty art books.

A quick trip to the Spa followed, which although dark and underground, this barely mattered as it was chucking it down outside and we needed no reminder of the typical onslaught of Bank Holiday weather that blights this August weekend every year. More plush purple. I think Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen must have been let loose with a purple paint chart on the place. Every item of furniture was silver lacquered and mirrored to within an inch of its life.

Nice pool (a bit on the cool side), nice enough jacuzzi but also open to children which you don't expect at a Spa. I was hoping for more Papmpering than Pontins but hey. Incidentally why do all children scream these days or am I just getting older ? The stray band-aid poolside was a bit of a turn-off and left me wondering what fungal foot infection I might contract by the end of our stay.

I'd booked a pedicure and a facial. The former was OK but took too long and I didn't expect a wedge of loo roll stuffed between my toes to separate them - don't they have those foam rubber things for that ? No quick dry spray or top coat either, so the therapist suggested I wait another half an hour for my tootsies to dry - no thanks - too much of the LLB ( see named designer above ) factor is NOT a sight for sore eyes.

I also had a facial. Now I just don't get facials I'm SO not a spa bunny but every few years I think I might have changed and give it a go. Why would anyone want to lie prone under a ghastly purple velvet throw and have layer upon layer of lardy gunk smeared over their face by a complete stranger ? The back started to ache after the first half hour and I feared I might be captive for another hour (judging by the painfully slow pedicure experience) with that brain-numbing endless loop of Manuel and his Inca Pan Pipes music oozing out of the purple metallic wallpaper. Worse was to come as the pan pipes segued seamlessly into Amazonian Rainforest sound effects which only served to remind me that it was pissing down with rain outside and that I was bursting for the loo.

I'm hoping that another decade will pass before I'm tempted to try another spa by which time I'll have eradicated the whole athlete's foot , noodling whale song, plush purple palace decor experience and give it another go.

Dinner was eagerly anticipated and did not disappoint but at a price. It was called the Marco Pierre White Steakhouse, so one felt obliged to eat steak but how mean to charge a piddling extra sum for a blob of Bernaise Sauce on the side. I hate that kind of thing. The restaurant walls were emblazoned with black and white photographic portraits of the moody chef in case you were left wondering who he was. A signed chef's jacket was encased in glass which made me giggle, as if he were a premiership football idol. In fact this prompted an impromptu game of spot the MPW portrait game and by the end of the evening we had counted no less than 37 ( also to be found in the lifts, toilets and every glass case on every landing). I half expected to find a pair of his underpants preserved in formaldehyde,  Damien Hirst style , amongst the displays.

We asked for hot chocolate to end the meal but were told they had 'run out'. How bizarre, the same had happened at lunchtime when I'd ordered a glass of cider with lunch. Had the hotel been invaded by a plague of hot chocolate cider guzzling addicts the day before ? Never mind  although after waiting twenty minutes to be told this, after my son had gone to bed, they offered to send up some hot milk to his room as I'd be unable to carry it myself being on crutches. This was unlikely to cut the mustard for my chocaholic boy but I accepted their offer. How galling therefore to find that £11 had been added to our bill for the privilege.

I feel guilty speaking badly of the place especially as most of the staff were friendly and cheerful, with the exception of the surly man in Reception. This grumpy individual also delighted in telling us that no we would not be able to access the in-room computer as promised in the blurb before we'd booked as there were no keyboards available. Try persuading a 15 year old teenager to come away for the weekend with his Mum to a hotel that has - YIKES - NO INTERNET !!!  Apparently all the Jehovas Witnesses had nabbed them ... obviously contacting God's Kingdon via the Wi-Fi. No. he couldn't tell us if any of the 40 out on loan would be returned before our departure and no their IT chap was on holiday so couldn't advise. Wished we'd brought our own laptop but then when the Hilton Hotel tells you something is available, you tend to believe them.

I could bang on for another few pages and it must sound as if we had a ghastly time but actually it was still fun and restful despite the wall to wall MPW portrait gallery, the purple overkill, the absence of hot chocolate ( a heinous crime actually ) and My Grumpy on Reception, which just goes to show how tolerant and polite we are and determined to enjoy ourselves ... at any price.

Postscript : Having slept on it, I've now realised what the true meaning of a holiday, however short, actually is. It's so that we appreciate what we have in our own homes all along, a comfy bed, hot chocolate on tap and no sour faced man on Reception ,well, with the exception of husband of course.

Congratulations ...

I'm over the moon as all of my students have passed their English or Maths GCSEs despite their learning difficulties. I am OH SO proud of you all .

Made some congratulation cards on my Silhouette Cameo machine and they'll be whizzing off to the shiny red post box on the corner of our road any minute now.

In fact I want to wish every student who has achieved what they needed in their GCSE exams despite what Michael Gove has thrown at them.

We've all seen the photos of those whose grade results were bursting at the seams with A* grades. They've been snapped by the broadsheets jumping for joy and hugging their friends, safe in the knowledge that their abundance of academic riches will secure whatever option they choose to pursue next ... but I'm particularly and utterly exhilarated for those who scaled unimaginable mountains to achieve the ultimate reward - a pass in a subject which may have seemed insurmountable a few short months ago.

They are the real heroes - the students whose confidence has been continually challenged , the students who've felt they'll never amount to anything , the students who have been excluded from school for their challenging behaviour through no fault of their own, the students for whom the task of battling an uninvited learning difficulty must have felt like a Royal Marines Assault Course.

I wish them many many years of unbridled success because they are the young men and young women who really deserve our praise and heartfelt pride. A 'C' or a 'D' or an 'E' grade to a child who has never felt able to decipher the print in a textbook, who has never appeared on the roll-calls of honour or has never topped a league table  has achieved more than all the A* grades put together.

Congratulations to YOU !

First Creative Team Post on the Hey Little Magpie Blog

Couldn't sleep last night - daunted at the prospect of grappling with Wordpress, with which I'm not familiar, in order to upload my very first post to the new Hey Little Magpie Blog. Needn't have worried as it was pretty straightforward in the end ( she says as nose grows long Pinnochio style ) .

Anyway , enough of all that. I think I'm allowed to post a peak or two on my own blog after it goes live, which was today , so here's a couple of pictures to whet your appetite.

But please pop on over to the Hey Little Magpie blog to see the rest of the pictures and do leave a comment if you can . There's a heap of talent in the Creative Team as you'll see from all of the members' posts and there will be a new post up every other day . A feast for the eyes ! 

A little Magpie told me ...

... that I've been selected to join the brand new Design Team for Sarah's Cards , now known as Hey Little Magpie !

To say I"m thrilled would be stating it lightly but I can't think of a word to sum up how excited I am at the prospect of designing for THE best scrapbooking retail team out there - thank you Sarah and Lianne .

The Design Team are one talented bunch and I'm very proud to be a member.  Watch this space for more news .

What do you get a teenager ...

... for his Birthday ?

Err ... that would be money. Sad but true. The 'Experience' vouchers rarely get used , the book tokens are a non-starter and apparently iTunes vouchers are so last year . You might as well get them what they really really want and try as I might to choose , what to me, seems like a fun game for youngest teen ( 15 years old this year ) , somehow the Smurfs' Karaoke Hits or Pokemon Art Academy isn't going to hit the spot ( thank goodness).

So , rather than just dole out cash , I thought I'd make a money wallet. I found this one , called 3d Book of Money, in the Silhouette Cameo online store - by Jamie Cripps for 59p ( Design 52083).

Here's how it came together :

Black card stock seemed pretty cool for the base. The design is a pretty straightforward accordion- style mini book but the Cameo does it in a trice and every page is the same size whereas me and my trimmer wold probably come up with 4 slightly varying lengths which would look wonky when put together, especially as I probably wouldn't be able to find one of the 20 pairs of reading specs I've got scattered around the house.

Cut 4 of the page pockets and front panels - I chose one of my favourite woodgrain papers ( Pebbles -  Fresh Goods - Come Again) score lines are done for you ( LOVE my Cameo ).

The backs are decorated with credit card sizes panels for which I chose a similar woodgrain paper in a lovely charcoal colour ( Basic Grey - Granola - Wholesome) . To be honest you hardly see these when the book comes together so you could skip this stage.

Then it's just a case of assembling the pockets by attaching to  the accordion fold spine using strong double sided tape.

..and you end up with this.

I then cut some basic computer game geeky type shapes from my Cameo to embellish the fronts of each pocket ( Computer Mouse 9581 , Computer Monitor 14511 and Headphones 20233 ) in black card stock. Final touches - add money. A tip for those having a go at making one of these - the US design obviously is based on dollar notes . Tenners are bigger than dollars so you may want to adjust the height of the pockets to account for this . Mine just about fitted but only just.

Lastly assemble the slip cover that slots onto the end to keep it all in place . I made mine from the same Pebbles woodgrain paper . I then added a title cut from gold glitter POW (American Crafts) on the cover -  GET YOUR GAME ON ( 42708 ).

Job done and hopefully one happy teenager.

How much fun can you have for less than £20 ?

Five posh coffees ?
Three pints of beer ?
Half a parking ticket ?

Or this little lot ?

I know which I'd rather spend my money on. Welcome Hema to the UK - a Dutch import which is billed as Tiger meets Ikea meets Poundland . Stationery heaven for you fellow notebook addicts out there. I blame Sandra ( Gottacraft ) for enticing me there with her Facebook post yesterday . How could I resist ?

The two wooden handled stamps bottom right are of a date stamp label and a paper clip and the 2 self-inking stamps above are of a speech bubble and a little birdy. The washi tapes are a mix of thick and skinny and the notebook bottom left has interior pockets and a zippered pocket at the back . I love the turquoise but I'm planning on inserting some scrapbook paper inside the cover to customise it. All in all , a bit gorgeous. Thanks for the tip - off Sandra.

Money talks...

... as they say . Mine says "Goodbye" .

I was contacted by Barclaycard Fraud department on my mobile the other day  A chirpy chap ( vaguely Northern but with a tinge of West Country - it must be so difficult for these PLC's to choose what sort of regional accent to use on their recorded messages when flying their corporate national political correctness banners ) told me that there had been 'unusual activity' on my account. How sweet that they should have noticed.

It transpired that they'd considered the payment of a large sum of money for youngest teen's Segway birthday party ( think giant two wheeled scooter /unicycle type contraption ) alongside a couple of mobility aids, to see me through my imminent period of post knee replacement recuperation, looked suspicious.

It struck me that this must a fun kind of job - spotting suspicious looking spending patterns on credit cards . What else might make their ears prick up ...Donation to the Labour Party alongside fees for private school ?..... Rehab Clinic stay alongside monthly sub to Wines Direct ?

Reminds me of how I used to collect discarded shopping lists from the bottom of supermarket trolleys with the idea of writing a cookery book from their assembled ingredients. The trouble was , trying to fashion a Paella from dog food and toilet cleaner wasn't a goer.

Bones

Apparently we have 206 bones in our adult bodies and several of mine don't work properly . It all started with a total knee replacement last year and since then, things have been going downhill fast ..... or rather not particularly fast as the prospect of running, let along walking downhill would be a physical impossibility at the moment.

This may be due to getting older , lousy childhood diet ( although I thought I ate enough packets of Butterscotch Angel Delight to ward off any calcium deficiency for life - clearly not ) or my absolute favourite - a sporting accident . I'm happy to pretend that my creaking skeleton is more to do with over-zealous downhill skiing ( incidentally why do we say downhill - can you ski uphill ? ) , a few too many netball matches in the upper sixth or my addiction to running. Those who know me will appreciate how big those whoppers are but it sounds so much better than identifying the cause as osteo-arthritis, which merely serves to make me feel about 80.

So, today I found myself in an NHS waiting room , choc full of the walking wounded , jostling for position amongst the zimmer frames and crutches. After a slow trawl around the M25, a wait for the car-park , and an even longer wait for my name to be called , I finally found myself seated opposite a green coated junior doctor ( not the consultant I'd been promised but presumably that would have taken another 2 years ) who looked as if he was about to whip out my tonsils. I tried not to notice that his lab coat was blood-stained. I should also say at this point that I'd waited several months for this appointment and so expectations were running high. The interview got off to a bad start . He didn't have my X-ray , had never heard of the clinic where I'd had it done, read from some clearly inaccurate notes and then informed me that the procedure I was enquiring about for my shoulder which my GP had advised ( yes , we've gone from knee to shoulders - it's a long story but involves crutches ) wasn't available at that hospital.

He grimaced when I mentioned that I'd just completed some treatment with a chiropractor for Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction , was being X-rayed tomorrow for signs of Scoliosis and was about to succumb to the knife for a second knee operation in two weeks time. He clearly thought I must be either a write-off , a hypochondriac or in the final stage of Munchausen's.

Either way he went off to consult with the consultant I was supposed to have been seeing in the first place who was hiding in an adjoining room. When she emerged from her hiding place, she asked Mr Blood-Stained lab coat if he would give me a steroid injection. What then followed was at best farcical and at worst alarming. He made a sort of face. I've trawled the internet to see if I can find a picture of the sort of face he made but can't find anything that comes close. Let's just say that it resembled the sort of face you might make if you'd just been asked to amputate a leg with a plastic picnic fork, blindfolded.

This was not good and so I ran for the hills, or in this case the car park where I was fleeced a whopping £5 for the privilege of leaving but at least my shoulder was intact , not a drop of blood was shed and I deemed this to be a lucky escape.

I'm left wondering if this is normal . I guess if you read the Daily Mail then yes , this is what they'd like you to believe about the NHS.  I have to say , although I'm not about to subscribe to that tabloid , I think maybe they have a point and I never ever thought I'd see myself write that.

So, in two weeks time I'll be off to have my second knackered knee replaced with a Robo-cop style metal version and I'll be checking the surgical instruments tray in the operating theatre for any signs of picnic forks.            

Vinyl Decals

I bought a cheap and cheerful vinyl decal of a tree from Ikea when I was re-vamping my craft room . It was nice but I guess you get what you pay for and at £8 you can't grumble but it never quite looked right - a little bit too blocky and  you could see the clear vinyl around the edges.

Then I found a similar product on Etsy from a company called walldecals001 - admittedly pricier at £48 but far superior in quality and look. The detail is much finer and the vinyl is matte and thin so when it adheres to the wall , it looks as if it's been painted.

It came with a hilariously translated set of instructions ( they're made in China ) but never having been one for instructions , I set at it like a demon possessed without even looking at them , determined to get it up on the wall within the hour. Can you see where this is going ?

I don't suppose it helped that I decided to photograph the process and I'm not sure why I chose to do it before I'd eaten any breakfast , on the hottest day of the year so far and with crippling back pain . Somewhere in my reckoning, I'd supposed that the task would take my mind off the pain .

After having got the damned thing on the wall , I noted that the instructions suggested you'd need 4 people, so I was feeling pretty smug that I'd managed it alone ... oh apart from  a little 'help' from my eldest teen at one point,  who stayed for his attention span of about 5 minutes then flounced off in a huff.

Let's just say it was a pretty sticky process . In fact everything was sticking to everywhere , including me as I'd worked up quite a sweat by this stage . The whole event typified my general approach to life -  no patience , it can't be that difficult , I'm sure I don't need to do as it says etc.

Anyway - it's up and looking fine and dandy . Loving it in fact and it only took 2 hours .
My recommendations if you fancy attempting one of these :

• Don't tackle it if small children are within earshot - the profanities were flying 
• Avoid unsolicited 'help' from grumpy teens
• Read the Instructions - if only for a laugh at the Mandarin to English translation
• Eat first - sticky backed plastic wrangling on an empty stomach can get ugly
• Adopt the mind set of " Well Nature isn't perfect so neither will my tree be " 
• Read this 

And here are the pictures to show you what it looks like.  By the way - this design is called Happy Tree - how could you possibly not buy something called that ?

Stage One - this is going to be easy ...

errr ... maybe not

Pokey tool came in handy for reluctant leaves

Necessity is the mother of inventions - used a one metre metal rule to roll it upwards

Then all you have to do is peel the clear vinyl away
( I'm making this sound way too easy  ) 

Job done

Before ....                                          

... and after

Haven't added the birds yet  and there was also a vinyl cat that came with the design , sitting look up at the tree but I don't want to put ideas into my pussycats' heads , not that they need any encouragement , but then that's a whole other blog post.