Monday, 30 November 2015

Is it a new moon ...

.. or am I just menopausal ? Well, as I'm past all that and the skies are too overcast to spot the moon I can't be certain it's either . Boy am I in a bad mood though.

And whilst I'm at it, who for f***s sake invented predictive text or whatever the hell it's called on a computer. Did I want to write 'cretinous' instead of 'certain' in that last sentence ?

So, another weekend has been and gone. Eldest's 21st and it was all going swimmingly ( although how H would know , I wouldn't know, as he was pretty much absent throughout ) until that is I decided to hoover up some of the mess last night - the usual birthday detritus - confetti, discarded wrapping , birthday cake crumbs. As the men in our house wouldn't know where the hoover is kept, it's always up to me to clear up. The plug I unplugged to plug in the hoover is next to the plug for the router. Identical coloured plugs, leads etc. I managed to pull out the router plug which has rendered our entire internet connection redundant. In most households this would simply involve re-pluuging the router with the possible inconvenience of having to type in the password to re-connect. Not in our house. The thing is on its last legs and H decided to opt for the cheapskate budget package which means that you only have to sneeze for connection to be lost and remain lost for about a fortnight.

Whilst everyone goes into meltdown at my stupidity and I quote here " Nobody would be that stupid as to  unplug the wrong plug"  clearly nobody as stupid except for cretinous me of course , I'm left apologising for getting on with the housework ( on a Sunday evening I might add whilst everyone else is vegging out ). By this time, I am now held responsible for the most heinous crime and my pathetic apologies are falling on deaf ears. I have clearly ruined everyone's lives from H, who now can't watch the remaining 29 hours of tennis that he's sat glued to all weekend, to youngest son who is attempting his homework at 9pm on a Sunday evening having promised me that he'd got it all done on Friday before going ice skating, to a party and out for lunch ... on both days of the weekend.

This tirade of abuse is brought on apparently because H is stressed ( must be all that sport , beer and telly ) and I am hell-bent on spoiling everything for everyone and did I have ANY IDEA as to what a total moron I'd been.

I retired to bed, comforted the cat who is sick and needs to be taken to the vets today ( that'll be my job then as no-one else can be arsed and I partly work from home which obviously doesn't count as a proper job despite the fact that I have to do it 7 days a week ).

This morning, I'll be filling the fridge with food, cooking dinner for anyone who bothers to turn up despite the fact that I'll be out teaching until 8.30 tonight whilst stressed out H attends another party, loading and unloading the dishwasher/ washing machine/ tumble drier, emptying the bins, clearing debris from the boys rooms and generally wondering why I allow myself to be treated like a doormat/mug... oh and squeezing in a trip to the vets  in between my job which isn't really a proper job because I partly work from home.

I'm going to invent a new word now and type it boldly so that f***ing predictive text memorises it for life. My new word is DOORMUG. Now every time I attempt to type words like dormouse, doorman or dormant it will remind me of how utterly cretinous and stupid I really am.


  1. I feel your pain. I am slightly luckier - my husband does his share of household jobs (although this does sometimes make more work too!) but my sons are as bad. Homework is meant to be done at 9pm at night - usually with the help of Mum who has only just finished planning/marking stuff for her job.
    I hope you feel better now that you've ranted to us - we're always hear to lend a comforting ear.
    Switching from talktalk broadband to plusnet fibre has made a huge difference to our connection (oh the rants i used to have to endure) although insisting on resetting it the other day because I couldn't connect my wireless laptop set them off (they have wired connections so were ok). Of course that is because I know nothing about computers or the internet. In fact sometimes my family (hubby included) make me wonder how I've managed to survive 46 years as I know so little. Take care x

  2. Breathe Claire, just breathe and once you've done that then move out and f**k them all! I hope you'll be at the crop on Saturday xx