I never thought I'd hear myself say " Can't wait to get to Sainsburys" but yesterday I not only loitered around the chiller cabinets for un unacceptably long time but also cruised up and down each and every frozen food aisle, idling away a happy hour next to the frozen peas and chips.
I'm betting Iceland is popular too this week ... and Tescos... and Waitrose ... and any other supermarket come to mention it .
I managed to sling a few boxes of Magnums and Rowntrees Fruit Lollies into my trolley before paying at the till then draggied myself reluctantly, blinking in the sunshine, back over the boiling tarmac of the carpark to my furnace of a car.
I hate heat unless I'm by the sea,or lounging next to a swimming pool. What's to like about sweat drenched clothing, sleepless nights and flared tempers ? Yestreay it wa hotter in London overnight than the daytime temperature of Istanbul apparently. The ice maker broke on our freezer, the A/C on the car packed up and I probably could have baked a pizza on my desktop without the aid of an oven.
Not even Stevie Wonder's 'Hotter than July' album, to get me in the summer mood, could cheer me up. Pity those sat in exam rooms around the country sitting through hours of their maths A Level exam this afternoon ( my youngest son included ) . My pupils have been turning up in full length wool trousers and blazers to match ( not allowed to be seen in public withoum them on apparently ) having spent the afternoon being made to play football at school. As a nation are we bonkers ? - that was a rhetorical question btw.
My 'Keeping Cool' tactics so far have included sitting next to a bowl of ice as if looking at it might help, cowering in shady corners and taking hourly cold showers. I'm hopeless in the heat but I'll be damned if I'm going to fork out an arm and a leg for the only fan on the market that actually works ( Dyson as if you didn't know at over £300 a go ) for the 3 days of the year that I'll actually get to use it.
So, shopping is the way to go and it's costing me a small fortune. Today , I popped into Oliver Bonas ( Air Con 4* ) and bought this little cutie ...
... having promised myself that I would never buy another item that came under the heading of 'clutter' but who could resist ? I was so hot and flustered by the time I'd staggered into the first shop I could find with air con , that I forgot to ask how much it was and inevitably had come out without any glasses. Fortunately , I still got some change from a tenner.
Big up for WH Smith ( whose air con was 5* ) - I could have stayed there all day. Came home with a bagful of 3 for 2 stationery - that's not even shopping - I can get away with calling that office supplies.
Nul points for Paperchase which was like an oven.
Last stop Itsu's for a healthy salad for youngest son as pre-exam lunch treat . I could climbed right in with the supremely chilled trays of Sushi and just lain there all day without breaking a bead of sweat.
John Lewis scored a measly 2* for their Air Con which meant a hasty exit.
So - shopkeepers of the world take note - the more you ratch up the chilled air, the more shoppers you're likely to lure through the summer months. I'll be back out tomorrow to loiter amongst the frozen foods in Tescos no doubt.