Friday 30 March 2018

Good Friday is not that good

Well it may have been for Jesus but so far it's poured with rain and the one place I wanted to visit was closed and the church I went to in order to light a candle had locked its doors ( on Good Friday - really ?) and I narrowly averted getting a parking tocket because apparently Good Friday doesn't count as a Bank Holiday - I beg to differ.

I need a project so I've taken on what I rather grandly refer to as a laundry room - otherwise known as a pokey cupboard off the kitchen. Kirstie Allsop would be relieved that I hadn't committed the heinous Dometic Goddess crime of having my washing appliances actually in the kitchen - God forbid.

You'd be amazed what has come out of that pokey little hell home or maybe you wouldn't because everyone has a Pandora's boxful of crap lurking somewhere in the house where they stash things they never use but can't bear to part with ... don't they ?

23 vases
2 microwavable neck pillow things
201 odd socks
3 fly swatters
1 mop bucket I haven't used in 20 odd years
1 candle making kit
Assorted bundles of garden rafia
1 picnic raclette set - oh yes we raclette the hell out of cheese every time we go on a picnic
8 bottles of various stain removers none of which have ever removed a single stain
21 underwater battery operated tealights
17 plastic trays
4 First Aid kits but I can never find a plaster when I need one
1 microwave egg poacher
2 laundry bags for fancy lingerie about as mush use as a chocolate teapot
1 Chocolate Teapot
1 Turkish coffee percolator
3 bottles of unctious liquid that came with some hideous stained glass diffuser contraption
Aforementioned Stained glass thing
A 3 tier wire cupcake display piece of nonsense
2 flocked black crows
5m of grimey vinyl tablecovering
3 , yes 3, boxes of cocktail sticks ....

On that last item, when did I ever think I would need around 300 cocktail sausages spiked ?

Feeling overwhelmed, I've come upstairs to escape, wondering when we'll ever be able to eat at our kitchen table again which is now piled high with sundry items. I've filled 3 binbags with junk and will be going back in to tackle the socks when I've written this. This may be the longest blog entry I've ever written. I've already googled Pinterest for Laundry Room inspiration which left me quivering with regret. They'd all been Cath Kidstoned to death and it's doubtful whether any laundry ever takes place in any of them. Don't go there if you don't want to spend the rest of the Bank Holiday wallowing in Pinterest envy - and yes Mr Parking Warden ... Good Friday IS a Bank Holiday actually.

Before and after photos to follow.

Wednesday 28 March 2018

Spring Cleaning

Why on earth do we feel compelled to clean out our nests at this time of year ? I could set my clock by it.

I'm starting in the bedroom. The ghastly clothes have gone ( 3 bin bags full ) and now I've started on accessories. Down to a handful of bags ( smart, casual, cross-body, beach and shopper ) just 3 hats ( I never wear them anyway ) and now I've strated on scarves. What's with the scarves ? Ghastly chiifon ones, most I've never worn, masters of disguise ( big boobs ) , things with tassels and pom poms hanging off them ... the list is endless. Anything that was grey of beige ( greige ? ) has gone too. I've filled another binbag.

It's not as if I've ever worn any of them once, maybe twice.

Don't even start me on PJs. Christmas ones ( one day a year for goodness sake) , slinky ones, fluffy ones, ones that look like they belong to a 14 year old. I'm running out of bin bags.

Next stop wrapping paper. I've decided that only things associated with going to bed and waking up should be in the bedroom so that includes, dressing, hair drying, make-up and bedtime reading material. Why then is the bedroom now a multi-purpose sewing room, wrapping station, unwanted cushion depository and harbinger of boxes for items that might breakdown and need returning to the manufacturer ? Not to mention abandoned hobbies like calligraphy ( one of these days ) silversmithing, picture framing, quilting and beading.

Books have got out of control ever since DH dispensed with our bookshelves in favour of an antique boat in a glass cabinet that takes up half of the hallway. Coats have gone downstairs onto the coathooks, empty spectacle cases of which I have amassed about a dozen have gone in the bin. The emergency present drawer remains , used only last week when DH asked ( at 8am in the morning ) if I had any 'spare' gifts for a member of his staff who was into writing and travel. I came up trumps with a Moleskine Travelers Notebook and a wallet full of stylish pencils. And yes, I was able to provide an emergency wimple for a friend off to a Tarts and Vicars party without a costume and an outsized comedy sombrero when I needed to dress up as a Mexican bandit, all hauled from the emergency dressing up box that lurks in a bedroom cupboard drawer.

NO MORE . Bedrooms are for sleeping in. They are not a cabinet full of curiosities.

So, the next time I need a grey/beige, life sized rabbit costume or a tasselled and pom-pom adorned scarf with matching beach bag and I find that the cupboard is empty, I will only have myself to blame.